WRIT 340, Post 3: Having Boundaries Does Not Make You A Bad Friend

Something that I learned recently is that friendships — and relationships in general are subjective. Everybody within their own relationships have their own set of boundaries that they are comfortable with. This notion seems simple enough, yet not everyone understands that not everyone has the same boundaries. It wasn’t until recently that I learned that having my own boundaries was okay, and not doing something that your friend wanted to do does not equate to you being a bad friend. I have always been the type of person who needed more boundaries. Don’t get me wrong, I love going out, and ultimately would consider myself to be an extrovert. However, everyone’s social battery is different, and I prefer to have time to myself after a long day of school, work, etc. But, when I was in high school, my friends did not feel the same way. My friends were the type to expect to call or text each other 24/7, and to share every minute detail of each other’s lives. I would go along with this by answering the phone when they called me, or reluctantly sharing parts of my life that I wasn’t comfortable sharing with because they had asked.

As time went on, my capacity for this type of friendship was at its limit. I would barely answer the phone, and stop sharing things that I didn’t want to share. I know that from a surface level, it does seem a bit rude. Ultimately, it doesn’t take that much energy to answer a phone call, or to tell them what I did the previous day. It was about disrespecting my boundaries. I realized that I don’t owe it to anyone to disregard what I am comfortable with. I know a lot of people will think that this is selfish, and that if you care about your friends, you should always be there for them. I agree that you should be there for your friends, but at the same time, you shouldn’t make yourself available so often that you begin to lose parts of yourself. It’s okay to be a “bad friend” sometimes. We all need our own space and we should all be putting our own happiness first before anyone else’s. You’ll never be able to truly help and love someone, if you can’t even do that for yourself. So, if having boundaries makes me a bad friend, then I guess I’m okay with that.