WRIT 340, Post 2: Why I Had To Take A Break From Playing Video Games

When Covid first hit, and most of the population were stuck inside due to quarantine, I decided I wanted to pick up new hobbies and decided I would try playing video games. I built a PC, and I started getting into new online video games such as Valorant or League of Legends. I’ve always known that the internet is full of hateful people. So, when I first started playing these video games, I was not shocked at the mean comments I received through the text chat or voice communications. I remember talking to my teammates while playing, only to have them belittle me and throw explicit and sexist insults my way because I was a girl. When this first started happening, I laughed it off. I would tell my friends about it after it happened and I would make jokes like “They must have such a sad life if they need to make comments like that” or “They weren’t even that good anyways so they’re being a bit hypocritical”. I would tell myself that I didn’t care, and that their words couldn’t get to me. I made it a point to stand up for myself when I would hear these comments, but almost always, I was outnumbered and would end up needing to mute them throughout the duration of the game so I wouldn’t have to hear their insults any longer. I genuinely thought I didn’t care until I started to notice that I no longer had any sort of desire to play. At first, I chalked it up to me getting bored of the game, and therefore not wanting to play anymore. But I realized that I was unintentionally staying away from the game in order to avoid hearing those negative comments. It was disappointing for me, since I genuinely enjoyed playing before I started hearing all of those sexist comments.

Growing up as a female, I always had to endure things like getting catcalled while walking down the street, or worrying if I might get sex trafficked while going to Target. For me, this was just another thing to add to the list of reasons why I hated being a girl. Until recently, I started to play video games again. I realized that I didn’t want to let other people control how I felt, and ultimately make myself hate being a female. I refused to let those people have that power over me. I still hear sexist comments and I’ll be honest, I don’t love hearing those things. But that’s okay. I realized that as long as I still enjoyed the game itself, I would still play despite all of the people online telling me not to. And so now I still play those games, and I still take an occasional break when I have a lot of studying to do or work to catch up on. But never again will I take a break because of ignorant people on the internet.