I don’t know how many times I’ve heard my parents, or any other authoritative figure tell me not to be selfish. The phrase “sharing is caring” is practically etched into my brain. I have always been taught that being selfish is one of the worst qualities a person can have. Now, you might be thinking, “Of course being selfish is a bad quality!”, but I want you to think about what being selfish really means. According to Google, selfishness can be defined as “lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure”. So, does this mean that putting your needs before others is selfish? And if so, why is prioritizing yourself considered to be a bad thing? I’ve spent the majority of my life putting other people before myself, in order to make other people happy. You need a ride home even though I live in the opposite direction? You got it. You don’t want me to wear this dress because you’ll get jealous? Okay, no worries. These were real things that I did for people in my life because I was prioritizing other people’s needs and feelings before my own. But, when I did this, I was just left feeling exhausted and upset. So, why was I constantly being told to do this, even when I was suffering negative consequences?
I’ve been a submissive person pretty much my entire life. Growing up, my parents and teachers would tell me not to be selfish because it wasn’t socially acceptable to act that way. However, by teaching me not to be selfish, I ultimately learned not to prioritize myself. Almost every relationship I had in high school, both platonic and romantic, were relationships where I would completely give up my time and energy to make the other person happy. I was so exhausted, because I wasn’t taking care of myself, or putting my own needs before others. And when I finally decided to put myself first, my friends or romantic partners would call me selfish. They couldn’t fathom the idea that I was finally taking care of myself, and putting my own wants and needs before theirs. As a society, we’ve taught ourselves that we need to take care of other people before taking care of ourselves. But, we SHOULD be selfish. We have to learn to be independent and know when to draw boundaries, rather than letting other people walk all over us.
We have to learn that it’s okay to say no, and that it’s okay to put yourself before others. We’ve taught ourselves to be dependent on one another, and that relying on someone else is the norm. However, we should be doing the opposite. We need to learn to prioritize and rely on ourselves because ultimately, we can’t always rely on other people. So, if you haven’t been prioritizing yourself out of fear of appearing selfish, I’m here to tell you that you SHOULD be selfish, and if prioritizing yourself is wrong, then we don’t need to be right.