Grief is a difficult and complex emotion. I think most of us can agree that there really isn’t one, singular way to grieve. However, while it’s never been explicitly taught to us, it’s implied that different losses elicit different amounts of time where it is socially acceptable for you to be grieving. This past February, my dog Yozo passed away in his sleep. The day after he had passed, most of my family and friends were pretty understanding of how upset I was, and they knew that they needed to give me time to grieve for him. Yozo and I were inseparable. It might sound sad or lonely, but Yozo was truly one of my best friends, and after he had passed away, it felt like there was a gaping hole in my life. So, I couldn’t give anyone an answer in regards to how long I needed to heal. I didn’t know how long it would take for me to feel better, and I didn’t feel like I owed anyone an answer. However, a week after he had passed away, my friends and family expected me to return to normal. I didn’t understand why I was expected to be fully functional, after undergoing what I felt was a tremendous loss. I specifically remember my grandma telling me that Yozo was just a dog, and that I would need to get over the loss of him sooner or later. Why was I obligated to get over something that meant so much to me? It wasn’t fair. Granted, not everyone loves dogs, but why were other people’s views on how long I should mourn my pet being pushed onto me?
On the other hand, in July of 2019, my grandfather passed away. Now, my grandfather and I were not close by any means. I barely had any memories of him, and the memories that I did have of him were not all pleasant. So, when he passed away, I wasn’t really grief-stricken like the rest of my family expected me to be. When I saw my family after hearing he had passed away, my family was shocked to find that I wasn’t crying uncontrollably. I didn’t know how to explain to them that I just wasn’t that sad. At the same time, I didn’t understand why it suddenly became my obligation to mourn the loss of a person that I wasn’t even close with. Why wasn’t I given this time and compassion to mourn when it was pertaining to something I truly cared about?
This is what I mean when I say that there are specific amounts of time where it is socially acceptable to grieve. Why was I only allowed to mourn the loss of my dog for a week, but when someone I barely knew passed, I was expected to mourn for months? Ultimately, society shouldn’t be telling people how long they are allowed to mourn. How can we define the importance of a person or animal to another person? There isn’t a singular answer, and as a result, there isn’t a singular way to mourn. If I want to mourn the loss of my dog for a month, but would prefer not to grieve over the loss of my grandfather, who’s to tell me that I am in the wrong?